it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
