My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
