I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
