He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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