she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
