The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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