the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
