If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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