I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
