A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
