it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
