We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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