His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
