Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
