I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
