I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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