elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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