Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
