bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
