it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
