I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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