Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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