Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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