remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
