I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
