Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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