Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
