u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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