when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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