She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
