I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
