So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
