Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
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When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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