Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
