I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
