Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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