I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Your dad touched me again.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
