Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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