Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
