Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
