I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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