very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
