turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
