It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
