He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
