I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
