oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
