well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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