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You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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