Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
