your thong is hanging out like whoa
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
