dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
