why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
