hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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