i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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