take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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