you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
