Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize