Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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