the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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