He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
