I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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