Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
