I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My life is pants optional.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
