I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
