i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
