First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
