On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
