i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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