It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
