Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
