I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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