yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize