are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
